this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
