new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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