what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
