2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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