Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
