he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
