So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
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My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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