did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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