The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
