Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
