so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
