I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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