it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
