he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
