MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How does one acquire holy water?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
