He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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