dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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