What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
