my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
