Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
