If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
