you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
