Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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