Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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