just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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