it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
