While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
