haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
