it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
