is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
