I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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