i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
