His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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