please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
