Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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