I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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