You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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