Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
