He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
