six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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