Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
