Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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