be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
