Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
