idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
