I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
