so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
