So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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