I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
