Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
sex in a hospital.. check
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
