we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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