Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
