Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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