Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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