As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
worst night to have a conscience
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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