I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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