When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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