nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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