The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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