you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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