She is in my trunk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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