Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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