how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Are my feet made of real feet?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
