Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
