Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
